HRV Score: 54
Relative Balance: 9 (sympathetic)
Sleep: 6h 28min
Overall morning mood: I woke up tired. I worked late last night and didn’t get to bed until a little after midnight. Tired and sluggish, definitely was feeling the lack of sleep. I wanted to get out of bed, I wanted to run, at the same time, I wanted to go back to sleep.
GYM: Stability Circuit
Walking Warm Up - Grand staircase 6%
Average HR: 112
Standard Pull Ups - 3 x 10
Dumb-bell Squats (Dumb bell held under chin) - 3 x 15 @50lbs
Standing Cable Pulls - 3 x 20 @25lbs
Standard Push ups - 3 x 20
Hip Extensions on Stability Ball - 3 x 20 W/5sec pause
Dumb bell Chek Press - 3 x 15 @12lbs
Stability Ball Seated Cable Rotations - 3 x 12/side @ 15lbs
Russian Leg Curls - 3 x 4
Dips 3 x 12 or til failure.
Walk - Trinity Mountains 6%
Average HR 128, Max 146
EG: 450 feet
NOTES: My heart rate was completely fucked today. A few reasons. For one, I didn’t eat enough yesterday. And had nothing in my stomach other than an apple on my way to the gym. I decided to give Shilajit a try today. HOWEVER, without thinking I also drank a pre-workout on the way to the gym as well. I do not think or believe they should’ve been mixed. I could’ve also mixed too much shilajit in my water. The correct dosage is half the size of a grain of rice. I was frustrated, and tried to run but my heart rate kept pushing into the mid 140s, so I had to slow it down and walk. I just switched the walk to rolling hills and was able to keep my heart rate under 130.
Shilajit Wikipedia HERE.
YOGA: Corepower C1
Class number 19
C1 - 15/19
Teacher: Ellen Ed
Notes: Ellen is great. She is all smiles all the time it seems. I had to look back at my journal entry from my first class with her and I thought the same thing then too! haha The positive energy radiates, you can feel it throughout class.
Similarly, to class yesterday there wasn’t too much philosophical talk, much more focus on breath, movement and posture. I am wondering if that is because it is a C1 class. I will have to infer tomorrow.
It was initially tough to let my mind go today, as I was frustrated with how my run went at the gym and the inability to keep my heart rate down, however tomorrow is a full on cardio day so I just reminded myself of that and eventually I felt the frustration drift off…Probably around the time, Ellen started murdering my stomach with the Yoga Bicycle Kicks. I notice more in my peripheral vision when I come into class distracted. Either way, I was happy to let it go.
I appreciate the reminders given throughout class to check in with our intention and our breath. It helps us newbs out, or me at least.
I had an enjoyable talk about meditation after, and certainly lookin forward to my next class! Thanks Ellen, Infinite Love & Gratitude!
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Notes & Quotes: The Inner Tradition of Yoga Pgs. 19-26 - Embracing Suffering
How does one work with the inherent suffering of being human?
Atha = present moment
In Yoga sastra it is said that god dwells in our heart in the form of light, but this light is covered by six poisons: kama, krodha, moha, lobha, matsara, and mada. These are desire, anger, delusion, greed, envy and sloth.
Counter perception: defines the path of yoga as an embrace of one’s suffering. In doing this he uses the complete acceptance as a starting point for practice.
The cure of the symptom begins with love
The impersonal force of love that heals by extending itself to the most interrupted, broken, and ruined parts of ourselves.
We are often attracted to yoga because we are struggling with pain.
Some level of dissatisfaction brings us to yoga, whether we are conscious of it or not.
Life is characterized by dissatisfaction and pervasive lack. We live in impermanent bodies, our relationships change over time, and we will all be separated form people and from places that we love. There’s a tragic dimension that runs through life. Practice in opening to that tragic dimension of life until we can feel the pain of reality, the pain of others, and the pain of the world, without adding pain to pain. Maybe the worst suffering is when we dont know how to be with suffering.
What do we seek to be free of?
If we seek any kind of transcendence, we are already looking for something we do not yet know.
What do we learn about our character when up against the truth of change, the truth of death, the truth of suffering?
“All of human unhappiness is due to the inability to sit still in a room alone.” - Blaise Pascal
Duhkha = suffering
Samsara = The wheel or cycle of repeated suffering
Samsara is a metaphor for meaninglessness
Each moment of experience, whether in stillness or in reactivity, sets up the pattern for the next consecutive moment, and our abilility to skillfully meet every moment with open and undivided attention is possible to astonishing degrees. Every moment conditions the next.
Yoga practice is about breaking free of the cyclic force of habitual activity and distorted mental and emotional forces that drives to act in ways that maintain suffering
Favorite sentence read so far…
All conditioned patterns (samsara) exist in the mind and body as vasanas (memories, subtle impressions of the past, conditioning)
the aim of practice is to bring duhkha to an end by facing samsara in order to uproot the egoist tendencies of the mind. Our psychological and physical patterns, as ingrained and self-perpetuating matrices, keep us bound to the wheel of samsara, to the turning wheel of conditioned existence.
If we are to grow, change, wake up, or heal in any way and to any degree, such transformation is only possible through embracing with awareness this every moment, eve if it is a moment of discomfort, pain, or discontent.
The Corner of 8th & Insanity 8/13/18
The mirror. When you look in it, what do you see? Do you like what you see? You know, I wish I knew who you were. Although, maybe the fact that I do not, makes it easier to spew out what Im thinking. I saw a hypnotherapist today. I thought.. i hoped you'd show up when my world went dark. It was an awesome experience. Im ready for change. Im sick and tired of feeling this way. I can't stand it anymore. I really think this helped a lot.
As my eyes were closed, she was speaking. Im pretty sure I heard everything she said. I kept looking for you and all i saw was this light trying to shine around these black and grey rolling clouds. Id lose focus, or something would redirect my eyes. Each time the light was brighter and seemed to just curl around but the clouds would eventually take over and it kept repeating. Towards the end, or what I thought was the end...a bright light eventually made me squint. Like really bright. I couldn't make out the shape, or anything in particular happening, but it was probably just straight up sunlight.
She told me that it appeared as my body accepted change. That it was processing, not resisting. Thinking back, I dont remember anything she said, other than asking me to pick a shape. A shape that spoke or resonated with me. A diamond popped out immediately. I dont know why. I know I love the way they sparkle in even the slightest amount of light. Anyway, an after thought was pressure. Pressure creates diamonds. If that is the case, I want, out of my life and experiences, a diamond. A life that is unique and special to me, created by me. So far above and beyond the normal. Maybe that is why I want financial wealth. It's not the stuff I want. The freedom, the ability to go anywhere, at anytime by any means desired. Above the norm.
Is that what is coming? It is. I can feel it now. Direction, yes? I know the direction, thats about all i know. I do know that meditation is a must. I have to do it. I will start with even a few minutes a day. Do you meditate? Of course you do. You have the perfect life. And it seeeeems like you have all the answers. So what next?
“A head full of fears has no place for dreams.
We spent the first 30-45 minutes talking. She listened, of course I yapped. Side note: gotta remember to A: journal and b: start thank you journal. The thank you journal, I am going to go back to every memory I have, especially the painful ones, big and small and I am going to thank whomever was involved for give me that experience. It was a chance to learn and grow. I realized, we shouldn't carry that shit with us. you know? So I am going to accept everyone's apology, if they "give" one of course, thank everyone and let it all go. The list shouldnt be too long, i mean i can barely remember a few weeks ago. haha. just kidding. I was kind of thinking I could even make some of them group letters. Like if I was writing a letter to a few people.
anyway, we talked...i talked. she wrote stuff down on the white board. It felt good just to talk unfiltered. Unguarded. She was easy to talk to. I wish I had started seeing a general therapist a long time ago. I mean A LONG ASS time ago. I was a fucking idiot growing up. I didnt want to listen to anyone. I listed to the shit I wish I wouldnt have. And didnt listen to the shit I wish I would have! what the actual fuck. Who does that? Diamond...right? Cmon.. ha!
Another side note: decision... Recreational weed...only gets smoked on adventures. Doesnt matter when or where, but I am limiting to then. Road trips, hiking, biking etc. What eva! #420 has served its purpose as of now. Creative inspiration. A different perspective. Different neural pathways opened. Thats all. It is time to put focus and effort into these new plans that are set in motion which requires the newest and best version of myself.
What you thinkin? I know what I am thinking. You already know. lolol. Yea I do feel a new wave of confident. Its a different feeling. I feel right down in my stomach, belly just glowing. Solar plexus down to my root. Whoah, I just looked up the 7 chakras. As i read the description of each, I felt them. Literally, warmed up feeling. Fucking crazy. You know, life is great. it really it. If you cant.. dont enjoy trying to figure out all this out, whats the point. It just takes some time and puzzling it out. I think for me, well again, i have no clue what the fuck im gonna do. but at least i know the general direction. so two things I gotta focus on...meditation and journaling... my blog. Your... higher purpose is..freedom. well, mine, not yours. you already are free. You are gonna help me get there. right?
today was good. I needed that. In a way I felt a lot lighter leaving. Another tid-bit. The idea behind the the thank you journal. Well, ...a gratitude journal, is that it's away to turn every negative experience into something positive and then letting it go. In away, I can say thank you for teaching me....xyz and then put it to rest. Wish I would've thought of that sooner. Ill start tomorrow with that one, for now I gotta get some sleep. Its time to start dreaming again. Peace out... I love you.