Affirmation: Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever
MONDAY
6.17.19
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
Asana: Home Practice (AM)
Spin: Collins 60MIN (Trainer Road)
Breathing Practice (Post Ride)
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
It was a really good weekend. Yoga, biking, hiking and lounging. I’m glad I’m a Dad. I love my kids, I think they’re the best. Probably just the timing of it, but I wonder what they think of me as Dad. I wonder what they will think about five, ten, twenty years from now when the look back at their childhood. I don’t remember my childhood at all really. Im not sure why. I try to think back and its just blank. I just hope when they look back it was filled with good memories and think of us as good parents. Anyway, I love it. I love being a Dad, a loud house, I like the wild, the crazy. I wouldn’t change this life for anything. What a blessing I’ve been given. I gotta be better, do better, I want to be an example and I want them to see that I did it my way. I stayed true and paved my own path. I just want to show them that anything is possible. I want them to be happy, doing what ever they want to do.
Your higher purpose lies in being a great messenger. To do this, you have to move beyond the very generalized form of preaching you’re prone to and cultivate a more specific brand of teaching. Instead of spreading your messages on a large scale, you need to spread these messages on a smaller level. With the North Node in Gemini, becoming an expert conversationalist is your destiny, allowing you to engage with all sorts of people in regards to all sorts of things. You have to let go of the idea that you can only speak when it’s about something “meaningful.”
TUESDAY
6.18.19
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
Ride: Lebanon Hills (MTB)
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
Gratitude is the most important piece, the most powerful tool in your tool chest that you’ve been given to get through the human experience. What you resist persists. But what you look at with gratitude ceases to have illusory form.
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Embrace the student. Be the student. You are working on communication…unlocking your social grace. You want to see things more clearly, and to do that you need to connect with others and really understand what is going on around you. Listen. You have the skills to gather facts and observe situations correctly. Key here is be eager for information not necessarily experience. Shift your perspective by realizing that the only way you’ll get what you want is by being logical and observant about your situation. In this lifetime, with a Gemini North Node, you can’t assume anything. Always seek out the facts. This will not only help you see things more clearly but will straighten out the various forms of miscommunication you struggle with. The truth, for you, can no longer be about opinion. It must be about logic.
I’m on this chase to figure it out. What it is, I’m not really sure. I still feel like there is more out there, more up there that I haven’t quite found.
WEDNESDAY
6.19.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Free of attachment, self satisfied & independent, the man of knowledge moves through the world without becoming entangled.
I’m not sure what happened last night or why I even got upset. The house is full of shit. But the reality is I have never really taken care of the house. I’ve looked at it like a rental, and treated it like a rental. Not really caring. Everything has been fixed with a band-aid with the logic that it will be completely fixed or redone when the kids get a little older and understand what it means to take care of things. But in the mean time, the house is in shambles. My house. My kingdom. This house has a lot of sentimental value. I bought it when I was nineteen or twenty and feel like it was my first major investment. I know now that when I see or feel that the kids don’t take care of their things it’s because I haven’t shown them how. And even if I have, it hasn’t been shown by example. I’ve written down a list of things I want to fix and redo in the house. Things I can do on my own, or learn how to do. I’m not sure why I have avoided these things for so long but it about time I start taking care of it, I will start working on it, and start caring for it. When I think of home, I think of a place that is everything healing. I am sorry for my behavior, my outburst last night. It happened in slow motion too, but I couldn’t stop it. I am striving for this simple way of living, simplifying life and with three kids its difficult. They all have their own things, so do Jess and I. I just want the trash and junk thrown away, things that matter kept. I don’t know what to do, other than to get rid of it all when nobody is home, which I know is not the way to do it. Kids, wife, home are the biggest mirrors I am noticing. While the kids may be a mirror, the house is a giant reflection, or metaphor. Maybe that’s it.
This is the battle with Yama’s and Niyama’s.. Brahmacharya, Aparigraha, Saucha, and Santosha.
You struggle when you want life to move quicker, pushing yourself and others to grow faster. Like being in a garden in winter yelling at the roses to bloom. Peace comes when you let go of that aggression - the delusion that we know better than life how it ought to unfold. Breathe Man, Breathe…
THURSDAY
6.20.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Corepower Yoga: C2 #32 - Erin
Yoga: Project Earth
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Even dwelling upon the end result, imagining all the glorious consequences, and feeling the joy you anticipate in advance, dude , still doesn't compare to the power you wield, the dragons you slay, and the legions you command when you act as if your greatest dreams have already come true. You know it be true man!
I didn’t sleep much last night. The two of us took Lu to see the Lightning Thief at the Ordway last night. It was awesome. However, it was off to a rocky start. First, coming home from swim lessons was tough with traffic, and then about half way home Bubba remembered he forgot his bracelet in the men’s bathroom. My first thought was fuck it, its not a big deal. But then I remembered driving all the way back to the pool in CO to get Lu’s necklace, so I immediately thought, we gotta turn around and go get it. Not sure why the two of those connected so quickly, but it did and So we did.
When I got home, I found out my Ayahuasca ceremony next weekend was going to be rescheduled for August because of mishap. I get it, biz owners at odds and separating, lack of communication. Its all good. As excited as I was for this experience, it didn’t affect me whatsoever. I thought to myself, “well, the universe must have a good reason, not the right time for me. It will happen when it is supposed to!”
I hadn’t eaten all day which was completely my fault. I guess I just wish there had been better communication as to what the plan was because I was out of the loop on the itinerary. This is one of those times where I acted on assumption, like there was a plan instead of just sending out a text before swim lessons asking J what our plans were before the show! I thought I had more food in the truck when we got there, but I as mistaken, I left my apple and grapes at home, which is what I really wanted! I know my mood was off, so when I sat down in my seat, I closed my eyes and began to repeat, “I am love, I am light, I spread Love, I spread Light.” I felt my lips start to curl, I could feel the smile starting to form, I could feel the energy start to rise, and when I opened my eyes I even felt the tears start to well. But I was good, I was happy, I was happy as fuck to be there. Another new experience.
Integrity means vulnerability plus boundaries and discernment. Not fear. Look at those primal survival programs without judgment man. Emotional intelligence means not just gaining wisdom about how to process emotions but also seeing the intelligence in raw emotions.
The night didn’t end to well, we ate at Shamrock’s after, the ripple affect of my hangry mood prior to the show obviously continued to ripple. Its pulling me back innnn. ahhh, Ehh, new day tomorrow!
It’s okay to recognize you have normalized dysfunction in relationships. But now that you have, your work is to step out of your denial and fantasies. To accept the reality of how you have been treating yourself.
After not sleeping too much, I was up at 5 and decided to get my ass to the hot room for a C2 class before Project Earth. I wanted to hold on and crush it but I felt so freakin dehydrated about 45min into the class, I had to collapse into child’s pose. I rejoined the class as we were moving into half pigeon. Im glad I made it. I’ve enjoyed everyone of Erin’s classes that Iv’e taken. Today was awesome because she was sitting/standing near the post where I usually put my mat and made it really easy to just listen to her speak and focus on breath. Good class!
Hey Man, you are feelin that Peace! It began when you truly accepted that your life is a product of your own choices.
FRIDAY
6.21.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Yoga: Project Earth
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
“I no longer fear the unknown
Cause I know what I am here for
I keep on troddin’ on my own path
Keep on learnin’ from my present and past
I no longer need validation
Cause my story is long and I’m patient
I know I have lessons to learn, keep my eyes open each step I earn
No need for me to feel alone, cause I got a place that I call home
every single road traveled, every single new place
I come back home and they accept me with grace
I know that I was meant to be here and I know that I was born into fear
But I will stand tall in the lions den, cause I know in my heart I am one of them
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
Telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
I am holy and sacred and righteous and true
I deserve to be here and so do you
I’m in a constant transition constantly changing vision
story never certain there is always a revision to be made
I think about the demons i have slayed, I am not afraid of confrontation in vain
To the people that seek evil, not as peaceful as I look
A warrior at heart so precaution must be took
Trying to give in, to the lessons that will soften, my ways and means are changing cause I talk to spirit often
Tell me to stay sharp, tells me to stay present
Tells me to ignore the fools and focus on ascent
I will starve my ego, I will remain strong
I will make mistakes and I will often be wrong
I’m perfectly imperfect and I’m only here to learn and all the evil on the path gets burned
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
Telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
I am holy and sacred and righteous and true
I deserve to be here and so do you
The pressure always comes from the outside
Try not to let it in where i reside
This is my heart, my home, my choice, my love, my life, my path, my voice
I feel my heart grow with each step
Stand firm in where the path goes next
I know that where it goes is where i need to be, the more lessons rained down more blessings I see
There are lies in the facets of everything that we see
Telling us to be scared, when all we ever are is free
I’m letting go of the things that don’t serve me no more
I am holy and sacred and righteous and true
I deserve to be here and so do you”