“Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.”
MONDAY
6.11.19
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
REST DAY
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
The emotions running through your body are complex neuro-physiological reactions you have to certain stimuli. They occurs automatically and unconsciously. Feelings, by contrast, are your conscious perception of all those changes happening in your body, where you then assign a value/meaning to the emotion.
The difference between an emotion and a feeling. A life lesson.
Dude, your raw emotions are natural, how you choose to express them is learned. The reason it’s so important to understand that emotions are unconscious and also natural is so that you can let go of judging them. Yet at the same time learn new strategies for emotional expression. Think about a lion approaching you, your body experiences the emotion of fear. It has nothing to do with your ego. It’s an evolutionary phenomena that ensures that our species will survive the environmental challenges. It’s new man, I get it. Your doing great…keep at it. It’s raw, I know..
You are feeling a range of emotions, just know you are right on target with the solstices and what is coming for the eclipses. Allow your body to feel it all. Feel it all man.
I can learn and change in a state of pain and suffering, or I can evolve in a state of joy and inspiration. Love man. LOVE…
TUESDAY
6.12.19
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
RIDE: Spinning - Augusta (25mi)
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
I realized this weekend (again) how much I hate alcohol. It tastes like shit and people act like fucking dick bags. What is a dick bag you say? I dont know, a big fucking jerk I guess. I’m to the point, I think I am going to draw a line. I plan on removing myself from any situation I deem as negative or where people are overly boozin. I can only take so much shit from people about the things that interest me, I love and care about.
Dude, quit being such a bitch. Yeah, you man… you are whining right now after a damn good weekend..
The Hard Line. I don’t care about spending time with people that are negative, they drain me. It just isn’t worth it. It’s a waste of my time and they fucking kill my energy, my vibe. Or perhaps I allow them to, either way, I don’t want to be around it. Fuck it.
Man, if want to ramp up the good things in life just compliment other people. Live, think and breathe appreciation & gratitude. It was fun weekend and you know it. So chill the fuck out man.
Your capacity to receive criticism and/or good hearted shit from your male friends is a measure of your capacity to receive masculine energy. They are teacher’s man, like everyone and everything else. They challenge your hesitation, authenticity and mediocrity. Embrace that shit! You need it man, its all a test, a game! Good friends don’t accept nor tolerate mediocrity. Perhaps that is a conversation you need to have. Surround yourself with men that are living at their edge and working towards facing their fears. Dude, it takes strength to be vulnerable and be yourself even when were living at a time where society tells you to keep your guard up. I thought you did an incredible job and living your way and letting the shit roll right off your back dude, seriously.. love yourself a little. Be proud.
“Everyone’s a giant, everyone’s powerful, everyone’s trying, everyone’s learning, everyone’s worthy, everyone’s loved, and everyone... loves you.”
WEDNESDAY
6.13.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RIDE: Lebanon Hills (MTB)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
Four things to focus on today….
1. Remember to rest
2. Feel through our emotions
3. Listen to that inner voice
4. Be honest with yourself
The Corner of 8th & insanity
10:10am - My Man! It is time to start shifting your awareness to draw inspiration and guidance from your future self rather than your past self. Huge lesson that needs to be learned and practiced. You already know how draining holding on to the past is. The past is nothing but lessons. All of it, any of it, every bit of the fucking shit that doesn’t serve you, let it all go.. You know the the weight that comes with it, so why hold on?
3:33pm - Balance. Its what I have struggled with in the past. Too much energy flowing out from energy centers out of wack, out of balance. I can see everything pretty clear. Im doing my best to pay attention. opportunities are presenting themselves, it’s a matter of listening to that deep down, which I still feel is a bit cloudy. That ultimate why, purpose. What scares me most is that I am so far down this path, there is no turning back. Maybe shifts in direction, but no reversing it. I’m scared that the choices I have made, the path I have chosen to take is the incorrect one. I don’t think I am doubting myself., just scared as fuck that I have nothing to show for my work. Tangible shit ya know. I was given freedom, that is most certain. Next step is that ultimate financial freedom. I dont have a need for excess, but you know the eight digits. Freedom to travel with the kids on a whim to where ever, whenever. That’s what I want. I want more. I want more out of this life. I want the money to live a life that is so far beyond normal and mediocre. I am so grateful for the everything I have been given thus far. My life is amazing, nothing to scoff at. Everything to be proud of. Where is the balance between desire and contentment? By no means, would I say that I am unhappy. In fact, quite the opposite, I have been living beyond happily. I have been finding so much enjoyment in the little shit. The little every day moments. I can definitely do more, I can be more, I am more. Maybe I am searching for that one thing to dump my heart and soul into. Do I already have it? I feel like something is slapping me in the face and Im just that dense Im not seeing it. Come on, just tell me!
4:44pm - Here is the deal dude… You are in a really good place and everything is unfolding the way it is supposed to…the way it needs to. So take your time. Don’t rush..errr feel the need to rush, remind yourself to get back to present moment. As your perspective continues to grow you will become vividly aware of the new steps you need to take..one foot in front of there other man. Keep getting from the day, have patience and focus! I love you man.
“Only the self controlled are free.”
THURSDAY
6.14.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RUN: 30MIN
GYM: Strength Circuit 3X
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
I may delay, but time will not…
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
8:00am You’ve always known it man. I know you’ve felt it. That light, that spark buried deep. There is and has always has been something uniquely special about you. No matter the verbal garbage you spit out at times, you always try and find the bright side of things. You know there is light everywhere and in every situation no matter how confusing, frustrating and even uncertain it can be at times. Dude, seriously know your worth. You are a source of positive to all of those around you. I love you man.
10:10am Soul Color: Yellow. Through conversation I was turned on to the subject of astrology. With her help and delving deeper I found that my North Node is in Gemini with my South Node in Sagittarius. I started to google different shit and found almost every theory to be a spot on description of myself and things I am currently working on. Is it a coincidence that these weaknesses were discovered via meditation and my inner voice and not from an outside source previously? Everything leads me back to self. Inside self. My belief in plant medicine, then I think is just a way to delve deeper inside but with assistance. Does that make it a crutch? Or the lessons, thoughts, etc any less valid?
The Gemini Nodal axis takes the raw experiences of life and puts them into a crucible that produces either wisdom or bitterness. By the reflective “cooking” of these Nodes, the raw anger and bitter injustices of life can be distilled, and transmuted into compassionate wisdom.
You need new experiences man..hahaha! Take on the motto: "Let's do something different!" Different perspectives. You know you do. At times, you may think you've seen and done it all before....but now it's time to do it differently.
You are challenged to be non-judgmental, to widen your perspectives, and to really listen to other people’s truth in order to cultivate empathy and open-minded thinking. Your karma is around judgement dude and how you've exercised personal freedom. You are blunt and you see it as being honest, but you haven’t considered others’ feelings. Stop doing that. Lol. Challenge yourself to say less than necessary. Your perceptual bias is changing, so that you can see things from many different angles—not an easy thing to do dude! I know your reality may feel shattered at times, and you may wonder where your self-confidence has gone. Certain aspects of your life need to de-construct so it can be re-constructed in a new way. Release old concepts of how it all is, you are breaking new ground. Life is breaking you open to enlarge your heart and widen your perspective; for you are being trained to be a compassionate communicator. You can be the one with new stories to tell that are grounded in personal experience. You're not just the book-smart armchair philosopher any more--you've walked your talk.
Find new ways to slow down, and simply connect with others in a way in which you each share the paradoxes and mysteries of life as well as your own "truths." That truth you came into this life with is in the process of getting much bigger. And as you do this, you'll find that writing, teaching, selling, counseling, and communicating in all forms can bring you great success. With your South Node in philosophic Sagittarius you've got some spiritual gold in your past, and now the trick is to take your old wisdom and new found “Gemini street smarts” and unite them. The world needs to hear what you have to say, that is, as long as you're following a path with heart. Keep checking in with yourself…and me, that your objectivity hasn't run away with your Soul. In your desire to embrace change, be gentle towards those who lead more mundane lives and don't be too quick to judge. You have so much to give!
FRIDAY
6.15.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
SPIN: Andrews (Trainer Road)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
Her movement through the body can be thunderous, destroying whatever energetic attachment is obstructing her free flow.
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
8:00am: I’m finding astrology to be extremely interesting. I feel like it is providing me with not necessarily answers I was looking for, but more like a little reassuring guidance. Through what Kate had emailed me, and what I was and have been seeing through meditation practice, are largely the same. Its balance. Its judgement. Its aligning… living and speaking consciously. Its active and reeeeeally listening to people. It feels shitty to admit that perhaps I haven’t given my life here 110%, I’ve had that one foot out the door, the belief that when this happens or I have this much money, Im moving, going or traveling here. This is a wake up call, a calling to slow down. I have had this feeling of urgency. I need to figure something out or do this or change that. I know I have so much to be grateful, thankful for here where I sit in this very moment. No buts. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear they say. I want to be happy and I want everyone around me to be happy, fuck I want everyone to be happy. How do I do that?
9:11am: Keep at it man. Keep doing this work. Something unique is happening, stirring up just for you! This is sort of that reminder to live in the moment. Slow down. You’ve earned every moment and just remember that you creating the future you desire, so smile! Dude, you have SO MUCH to be thankful for.
10:10am: There is a man that wonders down town asking people for money. He dresses very nice. Clean shoes, comfortable jeans and light north face jacket, usually a baseball cap. I’ve known him for as long as I have worked downtown, going on fifteen years. His stories have changed. I don’t know if he homeless. I don’t know his struggle. I just know that his story, what he tells people when he asks for money changes. Its usually a significant amount of money too. Money for gas, money for a car tow. His stories are elaborate and believable. Before cell phones, he would carry his 5 gallon gas container. His excuse recently, its keys, wallet and phone locked in his car. It doesn’t really matter the story. He has always bothered me. His lies when asking people for money have always bothered me.
A few weeks ago, I saw him out. I usually see him when downtown is at its busiest. Large conventions, concerts or sporting events. I had enough. I approached him as he was telling his story to a woman and all I said was, “Someday you will have to confront every soul you’ve lied and stolen from.” He was upset, he didn’t understand, he hadn’t yet realized I’ve known him for so long or seen what he does and how he does it. As quickly as this interaction took place and was over, shivers ran down my spine and I began to cry. Uncontrollably. I felt so much shame and guilt for ever passing judgement like that upon anyone. I wasn’t talking to him. I was talking to myself. I wish I had never said it. I wish I had never felt like it was my place to say something like that. How fucking awful. I don’t know him or his struggles or what he is fighting for. How could I say that? Why/how could I be this way? If I see him again, I would love the opportunity to apologize. If I don’t get that chance, I hope he finds that unconditional love and forgiveness. I hope I do too.
There isn’t an eraser for the spoken word.
Man, stay on this path. Think about the progress. PROGRESS. The weight you carry through shame and guilt are burdens that create storms of shit within you. As you’ve already noticed, when you release, the storms become a little more familiar. There is an forward and back, side to side, up and down rhythm to healing and as you continue this work, your ability to remain calm and feel your way through the storm will become that much more calm. And remember man, no place for looking down unless your extending your hand to help. Live with an open heart. I love you man. You are a good guy.
12:53pm: A long time ago when I was working at Tradition Valet, I thought it would be cool to use the business as a way of developing leadership skills for younger people. At the time, our staffing list was comprised of primarily college students. The unique thing about valet parking, at least here in minneapolis is that the shift leaders are presented with countless obstacles of varying difficulty almost every shift. There aren’t many jobs out there, a person between 18 and 24, is put in position of power and leadership. I presented this idea and thought it would be cool to hold weekly or monthly seminars or open sessions to discuss different topics such as sex, race, religion, growth, life, you know…nothing off limits but all with the goal in mind to instill growth and learning. My idea was shot down as it took money out of the pockets of the business owners which I understand and can respect.
Fast forward a decade and half and now I own a valet parking company. This idea is coming up in my head again. I see it happening in a couple of ways. One. Holding an open forum on Tuesday nights for two hours. Id be the lead speaker or host and would present a different topic each week that we could discuss. Even invite guest speakers. It would be free, Id hold it in the basement of one our parking garages, people would bring their own lawn chair and we’d just sit, yap, and think. Secondly, I was thinking a hiking club. Held on Saturday or Sunday mornings again with the same idea in mind. It could be consistent and held at Willow River weekly.
Be the one that makes peace, the one that offers friendship, the one that makes a difference in this world.
It would be super cool, if every get together, everyone donated five to ten bucks. And then throughout the life of the is group, when some one had an idea to travel to a place or event, they would present their idea to the group. Where they are going, who they are meeting, what they hope to learn, how they will share it with us/ the group when they return. We then would use the pooled money to pay for that person’s plane ticket or attendance ticket…something like that.
SATURDAY
6.16.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Corepower Yoga: C2 #31 - Aaron (HP)
RIDE: Lebanon Hills (MTB)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
SUNDAY
6.17.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RUN: 30MIN
GYM: Strength Circuit 3X
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Dude, you are evolving because your perspective is expanding. Your mind is continuing to open. More and more opportunities to learn and grow. Keep at it man!
800pm: I need to start keeping that note book with me everywhere I go. Its in always in the truck, I have to remember to use it. I have so many idea floating through my head that when I get home it’s hard to remember them all, especially the way I word them in my head. I also need to start writing down the signs I see. There are so many. And they usually inspire a thought at that moment too. I feel like lately, physical practice has been sloppy and less disciplined. I haven’t skipped any workouts per say but I havent taken any rest days really, and not consciously thinking/planning which days are what when it comes to lifting, spinning, yoga, gym, running, hiking, riding. Im spending my time doing what I love, but I need to organize better and clean my diet back up. Its showing in how I feel. The weekend in the harbor I really let it go, but like I’ve said, sometimes I need the shit kicked out of me to get me back on track. I just dont feel optimal right now. I will though, definitely back at it. Feels too good to want to feel like shit ya know.
Corporate Yoga and Mindfulness is an idea I have been thinking about. Yoga teachers dont get paid shit and its sad. After a recent class I was trying to figure out what I thought base pay for some of these classes should be and I was thinking minimum 150/200 bucks. Their time, teaching is so fucking valuable. I thought then where could a teacher stand to make that much and my thought was large organizations. I think you could easily charge a lot to teach large group sessions yoga, meditation and mindfulness for the work place. It would keep employees happier most definitely. And you know everyone would be so much more productive.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.