“If you are going to heal in a magnificent way, you have to feel magnificent.”
MONDAY
5.13.19
Chakra Cleanse (4am)
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
Core Power Yoga: C2 #23
RIDE: MTB - Leb Hills
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
Dreams come true, that's what they do. The only variable is when.
For the slow approach: Resist. Attach. Insist. Deny. Stop. Second guess. Whine. Argue. Defend. Protest. Cry. Struggle. And ask others, when you know the answer yourself.
For the quick approach: Visualize. Pretend. Prepare. Dodge. Roll. Serpentine. Do not waver over intentions, but over methods. Show up, even when nothing happens. And give thanks in advance.
You knew that,
The Universe
TUESDAY
5.14.19
Chakra Cleanse (4am)
Breathing Practice WH (AM)
REST DAY
Breathing Practice WH (PM)
“When I need love from others, or need to give love to others, I'm caught in an unstable situation. Being in love, rather than giving or taking love, is the only thing that provides stability.” - Ram Dass
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Dude, when the fear starts to creep in, the need from control starts to peek around the corner. When that happens, you shut off the flow of Bliss, man. You saw that happen. You felt it drain. The valve shut off. I know you know exactly what I am talking about. Rise above it. Stay elevated. You see the signs and feel it. Just trust the universe. you need is right there in front of you. Believe that. I love you so much, that best better than the orgasm kind. Yea baby, that kind. Get from the day.
WEDNESDAY
5.15.19
Chakra Cleanse + Ego Eradicator (4am)
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
HIKE: Willow River State Park
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
It's always too soon to quit. Time is not a line, but a series of now-points….
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
So I have this idea. I like it. Well, I have a few ideas. okay…I have a lot of ideas. smh. One of my recent favorite’s is to guide / road trip Vision Quests. I would just plan trips and then sell a package price. Go from there… With the idea that by no means are these vacations. I enjoy pushing my body through the ringer doing awesome ass shit outside and in the middle of nowhere all day. Off roading/ jeep roads, camping, hiking, biking, climbing, paddling, and maximizing ever bit of day light hours. Its a lot of fun, and free. outside, its free you know. I choose my own adventure.
Secondly, I was thinking about buying land in various places. Pouring concrete pads for a patio aqnd then either building small tree houses, tiny homes, or putting custom built buses on the property and then renting them out. They could also be used for these vision type trips as a home base place for showers and a bigger kitchen if needed.
Listen man, you need to remember a few things right now..You are feeling a lot. More so than ever have. Don’t hide from it. At the very least, meet me here and you can write down. I can keep my mouth shut when you need it. I know you are focused on your meditation practice but remember how important sleep is. You need it man, that brain and body needs rest to recover and rejuvenate. Thirdly, stay in that place of discomfort, even just a little longer than you think you can. Whether you ease into or have the momentum to push past, this current state of discomfort is not permanent. And lastly, if you are not struggling, you aren’t growing. The most growth will come in the hardest times.
Crazy its’t it. It’s been a while since we’ve met. Hook, line and sinker…got you now. It just took a little time ;) I’m excited for your future. It’s about to get real interesting, isn’t it? You see the numbers. You know the path. Change is happening all around you. I am proud of you..
I AM not another fucking flower to be picked and left to die. I AM wild, difficult to find, and impossible to forget.
THURSDAY
5.16.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Core Power Yoga: C2 #24 - Kim
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
Yoga was fantastic this morning. Probably one of the hardest classes I have taken. I didn’t stop sweating and felt extremely dehydrated by the end of class. It was one of my favorites though. Hardest and favorite are becoming synonymous. Weaknesses being exposed and purging the toxins through sweat and tears. Strengthening and healing. My eyes filled with tears and sweat throughout class to the point I just had to close my eyes. I love it.
In 2006, I was running and growing a small valet company. Later that year, the owners of the valet company sent me to a Rapport Leadership weekend seminar down in Las Vegas. As time passed, I became at odds with the two owners. My acceptance of their bullshit, and the way they viewed and treated people was not okay. But neither was my attitude or behavior. I was living a life indulgence and very little self respect at the time. Luckily, rapport was sort of the wake up call…. My confidence grew initially, but then my ego really took off . Coincidentally, at the same time my interest in trading equities picked up even more. I was unwavering and unwilling to negotiate my trip to Arizona to check out that proprietary trading firm’s office. They initially offered me a bonus to stay, but then said it would be split over the course of year. So, really they just offered me a horseshit raise…. Or did they? I was making 25k a year at the time, and really all I was asking for was 35k a year, plus letting me work my shifts for tips and min wage. With that raise or bonus, that was the number I would’ve been making. Point being, I get what I ask for, even when I don’t realize it. And when I got it, it obviously wasn’t good enough for me, because I didn’t really want it! Ultimately, when I returned home I was fired without warning. My ego took a beating because I didn’t depart on my terms, I wasn’t offered a choice. I was dumped after putting my heart into building that company for over five years. EGO…This was all EGO! It stressed me out. Yet… From there I took the quantum leap to move down to Arizona. Or was the Quantum leap taking off to Chicago for that day trading seminar? Or was it Rapport?
The thing with Rapport, is they didn’t break me or my ego. In fact, what it did do, is help develop my voice and trust in myself. Sure it may be a cult or what ever, I mean doubtful but that’s what I learned. But I didn’t have the tools, guidance or self know at the time to continue taking positive steps forward. Ego grew and took over. Why would a personal development seminar be referred to as a cult anyway? I certainly wouldn’t force someone to go. It sounds like some people have more/less. … They teach you how love yourself. Get over yourself and get what is yours. If you don’t have the voice, the trust, the action, you aren’t going to get what you want.
Listen, if you want to solve all of your problems, be here, in reality, now. Stay right here in the present and feel it. Do not run from it. Do not take the easy road. Recognize that your fears…. they exist only in your past or or in your self manifested future.
As I currently sit, epiphanies are flashing in front of my eyes. The parallels from past through now are slapping me in the face. I am at a juncture where I see the time loop. The lapse, its fucking identical. Too obvious to ignore, there is no way. From the industry, specific events, to the me, to the physical and emotional thoughts and beliefs. Around that time my heart was starting to open and I was beginning to lead with it and then something happened. I was rocked off my high. I’m not sure what it was. I realize that my brain and heart were not working completely coherently then, but they are now. Or at least they have recently began to work together again. Is that why this juncture will be different? I sense the change and see the signs as in the numbers, and I feel as though I am learning so much more, my heart is open but don’t quite see ittttt yet. I guess there is not “it,” its foolish to chases “it.” So what is “it” that I want to see? Some physical material difference? Yea, maybe that’s it. I’m shedding that shit though. So that cannot be “it.” Something is off…
What am I missing? My heart is open. Am I content? I think so? Well, no that isnt true. What are the things that I can change at this juncture? My attitude, yes. How I speak and handle each, yes. There has to be more. Like a completely different choice I feel I need to make.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin
Visualize to Materialize
FRIDAY
5.17.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RIDE: Lion Rock (Trainer Road)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
I want to pick up from yesterday. I feel as though my life is on this twelve year cycle. I have been seeing the 12s, the 5s and the 911s. I think that is why I have been seeing the 12s. Does the 911 represent of the end of the 12? My awareness, truth, and love is what I see as different between then and now. Im still missing something
I appreciate everything, the world is so beautiful.
“To see the universal and all-pervading spirit of Truth face to face one must be able to love the meanest of creation as oneself”
SATURDAY
5.18.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
GYM: Strength Circuit 3X
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
It was a little after midnight and I fell back asleep and then woke up around 5am to the same thoughts… and then it hit me. I forgot how to let go. Let go of circumstance, outcome, expectation, consequence. Letting go is that ultimate contentment. Its the ability to let go of whats in the past, to knowingly create a new and unknown future. Does that even make sense?
If everyone I meet and everything I see is a mirror, then every single moment is a chance to create something new or take a new direction. What happens when you figure out what you were supposed to learn or why you meet someone or something happens? Are the people I am meeting, really the way they are, or they the way they are only because I see them that way. Will it bring me full circle only to realize this is all just a game, twelve years from now or so I will be at the same fork? Because I feel like from here on out, I will recognize every similarity from past through now.
At what point is the past important?
This morning’s sunrise is not defined by last night’s sunset.
SUNDAY
5.19.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Core Power Yoga: C2 #25
Hike: Willow River State Park
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
I believe its in this next level of contentment. The final surrender. Its letting go, letting go of all expectation, consequence, the need to control the outcome. I believe that i can let go, let go of everything that is impermanent in my world. In fact, I know I can. It isn’t an issue of wanting to or not. Its the ability to, when it comes down to that moment. When I identify something I am not letting go of, it is an anchor. I cannot fly if I am tied down. I am Nobody, I am nowhere, I am nothing. As Dispenza points out. Im not saying I have let go of everything, or that every moment I want to. But I certainly have figured out how to. And i figured that out long ago. I stopped letting go when i started to listen to others, especially in how to behave and how i should feel. When you can accept any possibility, you have surrendered. I knew how to do it, and somewhere I lost it.
Perhaps Mother Aya will lead me on the journey to discovering the whys event though ultimately, I dont think it matters.
In my first experience, I was given the gift of freedom, love, forgiveness, shedding of the shame, the guilt, the burdens carried and my eyes opened to how thing have affected my life. I believe that love is what I am meant to share. How I do that, I suppose I start with myself. Loving myself and as you said, TRUST. TRU-st, TRU-th, is the trust in the universe, in myself, thats where it starts. I have not trusted the voice inside. I have not trusted myself or my gut. I have not trusted the universe to give me the outcome that I am ready for, the one that i need. Not the outcome that I think that I want, the outcome that has been skewed with bullshit. That is fucking surrender. Giving it your all and then saying fuck - it. what ever happens, happens. How have i not fully embraced this before, i dont know. To another point, when I live free, i give others the choice to do the same. I empower them to make the choice whether or not I should be in their life. Just as being vulnerable. Freedom is vulnerability. I keep wondering how I am supposed to live now. What am I supposed to do. I have been over thinking over analyzing, and I think i just need to continue to share, to be open to all possibilities and whatever. To just live CONTENT.
Love is not finite. The only love tank is the love tank we fill ourselves, and when that is free flowing we can give freely to others around us. I believe it is possible to be connected to that source, infinitely. I just believe it takes work and dedication. This seeking of completion in others have people searching and searching and searching for this love in other people. I think this is the largest and most noticeable difference in people that I now see.
There will be two kinds of people here, those that live in love and those that live in fear/hate/etc. I do not believe in monogamy or even the normal societal relationships that we have come to romanticize because they put a condition on love. Im interested to hear a little more on the sex/gender topics by Sethikus, because i know my views on them are pretty extreme and probably pretty unique. Love is not conditional. Love is not finite. Love is all accepting. There is only a shortage in LOVE when you disconnect from the source. That is you. That is Me. I fucking love every single person on this planet, the good and the bad, because every single human is my brother and sister. The light and the dark. The dark surrounds me and I glad that it has because the light shines that much brighter.
We can be physical and in bliss. That i do believe. I am a mother fucking warrior of light. This I know that for certain. Yes there are and have been dark forces at work, that doesnt mean to me, that I need to settle and lower my vibration to fight. I believe the real fight is in giving more love. I dont believe that is what I have been doing. I am focusing on changing that.
There are 7 billion realities happening currently here on earth, at the MINIMUM, at the same time. This world is mine. It is yours. Every single belief, thought, etc that I see in some one or some thing is a COMPLETE reflection, a complete mirror. not just partially, this is not a concept i fully grasped. It doesn't matter negative or positive. For instance, a teacher in a vinyasa class, I hear and recognize the strength, the confidence, the discipline in her voice and in her presence but it is not her that i see or hear, it is that aspect of myself that I see in her. You could pick anyone, and what ever it is that I feel towards them (positive or negative), it has nothing to do with them, at all. Kids especially, are the biggest MIRRORS. Even that slightest big of negative feeling, thought or judgement is something that I recognize in myself whether I completely realize at the moment or not. It would take an immense amount of self awareness to recognize it every time it happens, so I just say fuck it and try. Start recognizing nothing but the beauty, the love, the strength, the power.
Thats how you make your ego your fucking bitch to wear around your neck. You teach the ego to live in love. To come at everything from a place of compassion because they (ppl) are doing the same, they just havent woken up to it. They havent woken up to the idea of the mirror. . This whole world is just a complete reflection of my thoughts, of my feelings. There are plenty of answers in others, but not in the way that I was seeking. Wowza
Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place.
LIVE FEARLESS. NOT RECKLESS.