“It’s time we had that little talk, Nick .
You know, about life, how it started, and where it might go...
First, there were a few thoughts.
Then, there were a few things.
Yeah, that’s what we said, “Wow!” But after eons and eons the novelty wore off because absolutely nothing ever changed.
Until there were new thoughts.
Get the picture?”
MONDAY
4.29.19
Breathing Practice WH AM
Gym: Strength Circuit 3x
Corepower Yoga: C2 #18
Breathing Practice WH PM
We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation." - Jim Rohn
TUESDAY
4.30.19
Breathing Practice WH: AM
Corepower Yoga: C1 #42
Breathing Practice WH: PM
WEDNESDAY
5.1.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Gym: Strength Circuit 3X
Corepower Yoga C1 #43
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
THURSDAY
5.2.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
REST DAY
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
FRIDAY
5.3.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RIDE: The Owl +2 (TrainerRoad)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
SATURDAY
5.4.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
RIDE: Xalibu +3 (TrainerRoad)
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
SUNDAY
5.5.19
Breathing Practice: WH (AM)
Mountain Bike: Lebanon Hills
Breathing Practice: WH (PM)
The Corner of 8th & Insanity
3.31.19
I was extremely nervous for the Round Robin on March 31st. As a class we were supposed to get together and practice teach that morning outside at a nearby park, however the weather turned cold and everyone bailed. I needed that practice. I was not prepared for class whatsoever and for whatever reason I decided to hop on my stationary bike and spin for an hour and half. I have been practicing Wim’ Hoff’s breathing which isn’t anything new or unique, just a different name or spin on it. Either way, it has really helped in slowing my brain down, relaxing and “meditating"… or not thinking I guess.
After getting off the bike, I put my CPY book away and didn’t open it again. I already knew the material. I didn’t see a point in beating this dead horse and studying anymore. I finally said fuck it, I’ll just lay down and breathe and then head to class. How bad could it be..
I started to breathe, and it felt good. Something was little different though. I was keeping my ankles, hips, shoulders, head and back of my hands grounded (pinned). My spine ebbed and flowed like a centipede as I would breathe in and then out. Deep breathes in, and just opening the mouth for a light exhale. The pressure built from inhaling deep naturally pushed that breath out so I never fully exhaled. Initially breathing into my belly, and then up through my ribs and chest and finally into my head. I felt the oxygen high, my body started to float in the first round of breathing. I couldn’t feel my arms, my legs, my body. Tears were starting to well in my eyes. Dammit they are distracting.
Round 2… My body was moving similar to the first but every time I open my mouth exhaled, I would relax even more. I sunk into the mat that much more. It felt as if it earth was filling in. As that happened my energy zipped up and left through my top of my head….began to fly. What I think I now i understand as my soul, it left my body and began to fly with my head/face leading the way. My legs and arms stretched back similar to laying down in a cobra pose with airplaned arms. I was flying through this tunnel, it was black and colorful. The colors were not that of your normal red blue yellow green. There were real colors. It was magic. My eye became real eyes. I could feel this pulse, the beat, the rhythm of this tunnel. I was being spoken to via feeling and it was like my brain could translate the feeling into what it meant. Soon, I could myself syncing and beating at that same time or frequency. It was out of control. My heart was beating at that rhythm. Somehow, I knew it was beating red, but I couldn’t see it. Or it was I thought the color red looked like. Then out of nowhere (I completely let go), my veins extended from my heart to the walls of the tunnel and connected. I felt another rainbow of emotions. Every single possible thing you could feel, I felt. I think or know I guess? Epiphany after epiphany flashed before me, feeling like I was learning and living a thousand lives at once. I felt this wave of forgiveness. This wave of all encompassing, non judging, Unconditional love. This feeling of loving understanding. Love is the only English word we have. Agape maybe?.. My heart fucking exploded in light as did my head. This ultimate self love feeling, it was enough. It was absolutely self love. It was filling. It was, an ahaha everything at every moment in my life made sense and why and what I was supposed to learn and connect. There were all these parallels in thought. And that, ah you were right! You should have listened to yourself. This answer of you it is in you, not others acceptance or approval. Epiphany after epiphany after epiphany, new levels and layers of understanding concepts.
I came back to my body violently as I needed oxygen, but I didn’t want to let it go, I couldn’t let go. There was pool of tears underneath my head and streaming down my face. I was awake and breathing but still connected some how. The overwhelming feeling was still there. So I started heavy breathing again. I kept breathing, and kept feeling, and I kept flying, I held my breath, I let go. I didn’t know what was going to come next, but it was crazy more forgiveness, understanding. It was a new level of understanding and awareness. It wasn’t anything new or new information. It was just epiphany after epiphany, everything was new, and everything had new meaning and a new understanding. This understanding went from pain, sadness, back to understanding, and then to smiling through my eyes, my mouth, my whole chest felt like a smile. All I could say was or think was thank you. fuck, thank you for this. thank you, thank you thank you. I was happy.
I have never been more uncomfortable than I have been in a yoga studio or class. I feel exposed and transparent. To the extent, last week was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror during a yoga class. Prior to that, I would find a wood floor corner and my eyes wouldn’t leave it the entire class. Even if I didn’t know a pose, I was mortified to look around and see what others were doing. I think that is why I was supposed to join teacher training. Soul said, lets expedite this lesson… My ego has this way of creating stories and lies in my head to justify a feeling I think. Or If I felt something, my ego would make up the story to fit that. Even if they didn’t associate at all! Since that happened, I have continued to practice breathing and meditating and have gone to some far out places in the universe that is just too much too talk about.
My brain is hyper aware or my body is too. Every 10-15 minutes my brain is realizing or remembers or connecting something things are going off. My mouth cannot speak as fast as my brain has been moving. It has been exhausting and energizing at the same time. I have had several conversations with people that are telling me what is possible and what is out there and I knew it all a long, my entire life there was more. This is what life is. I cant talk about that feeling without smiling. and feeling it. it gives me Goosebumps every time. And now in shivasana in every yoga class, I have to be careful. If I start to breathe this way and let go, Im not sure if I am coming back. or snoring…
If you can come at everything from this place of appreciation, love, and you are open...you fill yourself energetically with love and strength from everywhere around you. Beauty is everywhere. A woman for instance... Too look at a woman I find as beautiful. If I lust for that beauty, it comes from s selfish place. It is artificially fills me like an energy drink or coffee. If I can appreciate her beauty for what it is, it would be impossible not to be in a state of gratitude...because that is what appreciation is. thankfulness, love. Real love. Does that make sense? We are light and energy. I think that everyone’s experience may be different when it comes to this thing. But, the end, the feeling of completeness, healed, love, self love, selfless love, is universal. Soul is that mind and heart connection. But again, these English words we are speaking do not even make sense on this physical level of earth.
Thats the jist of my experience, minus a lot of the revelations and epiphanies…
“Wisdom comes from doing the work. Inner work. A willingness to work hard yields the sweetest fruit. ”